Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
