OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
