I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
