I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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