when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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