My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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