He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
