First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
