Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
