Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You need Xanax blowdarts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
