those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
FUCK WHALES
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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