YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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