I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
