i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
