a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
