I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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