I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
