My nipple is on Facebook.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
