Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are the jesus of drinking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
