Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
