Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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