she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
