I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
