i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
