That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
