All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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