No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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