we're blogging at a bar
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
