just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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