I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
