i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
