Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
