Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
