ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
