i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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