I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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