i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
