I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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