Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
