She's JV to your varsity
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
