I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
