I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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