Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
