I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
