Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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