Jerry, you need to find god
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
