Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
should my penis look like a turkey
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
