Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
