in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
