um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
