I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
