he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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