I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
