I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
