I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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