I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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