Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You work out of a Hotel?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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