He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Text me some of your sweat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
