I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
