so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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