we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
