North Korea, Best Korea!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
