she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize