I'm going to jail i love you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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